Tal's Spacebar

Granted! You are now on stage, watching but also performing. How did you get here? Hope you know what you're doing...

I wish my cat would be less picky about what he eats.

Granted. It seems like every day you're at the vet because your cat has eaten *something*. Glass shards, rat poison, dog poo, infectious worms, plastic,...

I wish dragons were real

Granted! Dragons were real a long time ago, but then an asteroid hit them. Whoops.

I wish fish could fly.

Granted, fish can fly. This leads to a total collapse of the ocean's ecosystem. Also, sharks are fish btw. Sharknado actually happens. It is horrifying. You cause the deaths of millions of people as shark-laden winds sweep the globe, hungry for anything they can eat because fish fly too fast for them to catch.

I wish I could be more confident about my work.

Granted, you are now so confident that you only have to put one line on the paper and consider it the best drawing ever. You write "the" and are convinced it's gonna be a bestseller. Therefore, as soon as you start something you already consider it finished, happily pat yourself on the back, and start on the next thing.
You produce masterworks like drops in the ocean, and yet... Nobody reads them, nobody looks at them. You have no idea why. Even your friends who used to love rekt no longer even open any of the documents you make about it. They have also started saying you are obnoxious about it - while *they* are the ones who are not even trying to look at your masterworks!

Eventually you drift apart from your friends. Nobody understands your genius.

I wish humans would have amazing backs that stand the test of time

Granted! Humans now have fabulous and beautiful to look at paper-backs. When treated properly they will last for a very, very long time. Treatment like with normal books with decorative backs, when you put them into a climatized room into a shelf and leave them there, that is...

I wish that a squad of ninja doctors stealthily goes around healing people exists.

Granted! They aren't covered by health insurance and very expensive, but you of course only notice that after they've healed you.

I wish I had more free time.

Granted! All your time, and a lot more, is now fully free-range. The time is also more like cats than cattle, so if you want any time for yourself you need to catch it first.

I wish physical concepts had physical incarnations.

Granted. Time is now a creepy grandfather-giant that goes around stomping cities that used to complain they didn't have enough of him. Love is now a giant bomb-dropping plane. "Love is in the air!" people scream. "Get to the bunker!" And worst of all is Intelligence. She ceases to be a measurement of intellect and becomes an evil witch. When she's around, people think, but she despises everyone because of how many people in America see intelligence as a sign of weakness. She can't help but try to teach people, but when they don't listen, she spits out in exasperation, "You wouldn't have the intelligence to understand," and she teleports somewhere very far away - and then, without Intelligence around them anymore, she's right.

I wish I could drink as much coffee as I wanted without negative consequences from doing so.

Granted! But you absolutely abhor coffee now and just the thought of it repels you.

I wish I had a better 3D-Printer.