Granted! Motivation to post old DF-Projects is now crystallized in a physical form!
But it is heavy, and unwieldy to carry, and has the tendency to disappear when you accidently drop it. Also, whoever picks up these pieces of information gets the urge to post their old dwarf fortress projects. So now DW has turned into a memetic hazard that infects people via strange things lieing on the ground randomly.
I wish it was easier to keep attentive and creative.
Granted. You lock in on the first task of the day, and your attention never wavers from it for the whole day. You have never had more perfectly brushed teeth. No one has.
I wish I could.
Granted. You can, but now you don't want to anymore.
I wish everyone knew at least two languages.
You can. From this point on, you most certainly can. You have the ability. You have the aptitude. Unfortunately, though you can, you don't.
HOLY SHIT I got ninja'd! This is the first ninja on this forum!
Okay okay okay. Everyone now knows at least two languages fluently, but the knowledge has overwritten the portions of their brain that were necessary to survive. Entire swaths of the global population forget how to feed themselves. The death toll is catastrophic. Entire regions of the globe go completely silent in days. Europe is mostly fine though.
I wish I could convince Michelle that she doesn't need pet otters.
Granted. You convinced her that pet elephants are way better. She already found a place to adopt from and has fallen in love with 5 specific ones.
I wish I had a decent income without needing a job.
Granted! You now 'work' at a front for the mob. So you only have to sit in a comfy room and do whatever you want. As a freebie, Dino is the right-hand woman of the boss.
I wish fall damage was disabled on Earth.
Granted! Earth no longer has any gravity, which you notice as you get out of bed and float into the air, unable to move anywhere. Out of your window, you see people slowly drifting into space. Eventually, you gather, the planet itself will unravel with no gravity to keep it together.
I wish I didn't have a beard.
Pudding! 
Granted. Now beards grow on cis women and not on cis men. Being born as AMAB makes it so you have no beard and this is causing you gender dysphoria. You can not fix this without hormone therapy.
I wish I could hear the difference between all the s like sounds in Chinese
Granted. You hear the difference between all the s sounds in Chinese. It feels stupidly obvious to you now, in retrospect. So obvious that you begin to feel terrible about yourself - "How stupid am I, really, that I never heard the difference to begin with? That I needed to make a wish to make it possible?" This is the beginning of a very dark spiral of self-hatred and depression that ends in the very worst way imaginable:
You stop studying languages. Entirely.
I wish I was in France.
Granted! France is now Friance, or Francie, or something else with an I in France. Naturally, the I is not pronounced.
I wish to watch a Kyudo contest live.
